We meet you first
Fifty minutes with the parents or carers, without your child. History, what worries you, what you have already tried, and what your child has been told about coming here.
£75 · no child present
Roughly ages 4 to 11
Children don’t explain themselves in sentences.
They tell you in mornings, bedtimes, tummy aches and the way they play. So that is where the work starts — not with a child being asked how they feel about their parents’ divorce.
If you take one thing from this page
A child who plays for six weeks and never names the problem is not wasting your money. Sideways is how children do this.
How it works
When someone is seven, talking is the hardest possible medium.
Ask a seven-year-old why they are angry and you will usually get "I don't know", which is honest. The feeling arrived before the vocabulary did.
So we give them something easier to think with. A tray of sand and a shelf of small figures. Paper and a lot of paint. A den made out of two chairs and a blanket. A game that they invent and then change the rules of, repeatedly, until they win.
What looks like playing is a child putting a difficulty outside themselves where it can be handled, rearranged, buried, dug up and given a different ending. It is a genuine method with sixty years of practice behind it, and it works for a lot of children who would sit in silence if you simply asked them questions.
You do not need the right words
What parents tend to be noticing
Nobody rings up saying "my child is presenting with generalised anxiety". They say one of these.
- Mornings have become a battle
- Tummy aches with no medical cause
- Sleep has fallen apart
- Sudden rage, then remorse
- They have become very, very good
- Friendships keep collapsing
- They will not talk about the thing that happened
- They are fine at school and unrecognisable at home
- Separation has become impossible
If you are reading this and thinking it is probably nothing — that is the single most common sentence on our first phone calls, and it is free to find out.
The shape of it
How work with a younger child usually goes
Parents are part of this throughout. You are not handing your child over.
Scroll sideways, or use the arrow keys
Your child comes to look
The first session is largely about the room. Where things are, what is allowed, what happens to the drawings, and that they can leave.
Sometimes they stay ten minutes
The work is play
Sand, small figures, paint, dens, board games with rules that quietly change. The play is not a warm-up for the therapy — it is the therapy.
Weekly, 50 minutes, same time
We meet you again
Every four to six sessions, without your child. Themes, not transcripts, plus practical things to try at home.
Included, not charged separately
School, if it helps
With your consent, a short call with a class teacher or SENCo. Often the single most useful thirty minutes of the whole piece of work.
£65/hour · only if you want it
Ending properly
Children who have had things end abruptly need to see an ending done well. We count down the last four sessions and usually make something to take home.
Never a surprise last session
Before the first session
What to tell your child about coming here
Parents ask us this more than almost anything else. Vagueness makes children more anxious, not less — so here is roughly what we would say.
Words that work
- "There is a room in town with sand and paint and someone called Ruth in it."
- "Her job is helping worries get smaller."
- "I will be in the next room the whole time."
- "You do not have to talk about anything you do not want to."
- "We are going once to look. Then we will decide together."
Words that tend to backfire
- "We are going to see someone about your behaviour."
- "You need to tell her what you told me."
- "It is a surprise."
- "This is your last chance."
- Not mentioning it until you are in the car park.
For the person this is actually about
If you are reading this with a grown-up
Hello. This is a place with three rooms in it.
One room has a big tray of sand and a shelf of tiny people, animals, cars, fences and trees. You can put them in the sand however you like. You do not have to explain why.
There is paint, and paper, and a box of things to fiddle with. There is a blanket. Some children build a den.
You will see the same grown-up each time, on the same day. Their job is not to tell you off and not to fix you. Their job is to be interested in what you are doing.
You do not have to talk. Some children talk a lot. Some children say almost nothing for weeks. Both are completely fine.
Your grown-up stays in the building. There is a toilet. There are biscuits, sometimes.
If you want to stop and go home, you can say so.
Who does this work
Ruth Ellery sees most of our younger children.
Fourteen years in NHS child and adolescent services before she opened Harbour in 2016. She is unhurried, and she is very good at describing what she is seeing without turning your child into a problem to be solved.
More about RuthQuestions parents ask about younger children
How old does a child need to be?
Around four. Below that, the most useful work is almost always with the parents rather than the child, and Joanna does that.
Do I stay in the room?
For the first few minutes of a first session, often yes. After that, usually not — children say and do different things when a parent is not there, and that difference is the point. If your child cannot manage without you at first, we build up to it rather than forcing it.
What if my child just plays and never mentions the problem?
That is the expected outcome, not a failed session. Children process things sideways. A child who never once says the word "divorce" may spend six weeks putting a family of small figures in a house, taking one out, and seeing what happens next.
Will you tell me what happened in the session?
We tell you the themes, what we are noticing, and what might help at home. We do not give a running commentary. Even a six-year-old works out quickly whether the room is really theirs.
My child is waiting for an autism or ADHD assessment. Is this still useful?
Often yes, though it is a different job. We do not assess and we do not diagnose. What we can do is help with the anxiety, the school refusal or the sibling fallout that is happening now, while you wait.
Do you work with children who have experienced something serious?
Yes — bereavement, illness, accidents, separation, and children in foster and adoptive families. Ruth spent fourteen years in NHS child and adolescent services before Harbour. If something falls outside what we can offer well, we will say so and help you find the right service.
Start with a phone call, not a decision
Twenty minutes with Ruth, free, before anything is booked. Plenty of those calls end with us suggesting something other than therapy — a conversation with school, a different service, or simply waiting a few months.